The Meanest Backwood Joke Ever

May 14, 2012

Ripe Persimmons

There is a joke that parents do to their kids when introducing them to the woods or when backwoods people bring their friends to the woods.  Luckily  no one gets hurt or the bejeezus scared out of them, but it is cruel to the person it happens to and a laugh to the pranksters.

Once it happens to you you want to pass it on to someone else to see them experience it for themselves.


Green/unripe persimmon

Persimmons are edible fruit that grow in the woods. When they are ripe they are as good as candy. They are sugary and sweet. You can eat them from the tree, make jelly, pie, pudding, or just about anything with them.

Not when they’re green (unripe) though.

All it takes is one bite.

When you bite into a green persimmon it is more sour than a Warhead or a Cry Baby. Your lips will pucker and go dry like someone just put a wad of cotton in your mouth. The discomfort doesn’t just end there even if you spit it out. Imagine if your dentist dumped  an entire bottle of Novocaine into your mouth. You can’t feel anything. You can’t even talk, spit, and it seems to last forever.

You have people laughing at you when your lips are puckered and you can’t feel anything in your mouth. Quite frankly you speak with a fat tongue.

I was probably four or five years old when my PARENTS did it to me when we were walking the woods one day.  It was not funny for me.  I wouldn’t  try any food my parents offered me for a month that I didn’t identify. I wasn’t taking any chances.

My husband had it done to him by his grandfather.

My husband and I both did it to my younger sister.

Other boys did it to other boys.

The list goes on.

Quite frankly, I am surprised that the FDA hasn’t approved of a natural alternative to Novocaine by using unripe persimmon juice. If it can work on contact in under a second to deaden someone’s mouth, what would it do after injection? Honestly, I think the stuff was more potent than Novocaine. There is no wait for thirty minutes for the stuff to “kick in”. You could be ready for a root canal in five minutes flat.

Don’t believe me? Go somewhere, find, and bite a green persimmon. I dare you! 😛

AK Taylor

About the Author

AK Taylor

AK Taylor is an award winning YA author who has been writing novels since age 16. Beekeeper, outdoor sportsman, avid adventurer, and animal lover. Taylor lives in the backwoods of Middle GA where she continues to write stories.

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  • Emily Heath says:

    In a weird way I kinda want to try one now!

  • You’re right, I don’t think they grow in England :(. Maybe you can try it if you visit the States. I could mail you one, but I don’t know what kind of shape it would be in when it got there 😉 LOL

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